Tuesday, May 31, 2005


though eternity turned out to be a mere season, you were the song that mattered
and music lives forever, long after the notes fade
it lives in our hearts and when we least expect it, we catch ourselves
humming an old melody

i wanted a love that transcended death

i feared losing her because my ultimate fear was that after this world we might cease to exist or not be together in the afterlife.

was it crazy to want forever?

while i focused on forever, it never occured to me to worry about the here and now. and that is what blind-sided me.

forever came up short.

did i not keep my eye on the ball?

or is it that since we can barely comprehend our own hearts, how do we expect to really know another's?

Monday, May 16, 2005


Silence seems even worse than angry words.

No goodbyes, no kind words, no looks...just silence.

Silence so loud, it wakes me up in the morning and makes a return to sleep all but impossible.

Monday, May 09, 2005

katie fox and michael maxwell were swallowed up by time

they have ceased to exist. i am afraid that i am the only one who remembers them. why does the universe decide to do stuff like this?

good bye katie and max...

Sunday, May 08, 2005

promises of forever or eight years, whichever comes first

when someone makes constant promises of forever and then one day they decide they don't love you anymore, does it mean that they didn't mean what they said?

or is the heart just fickle?

i am not necessarily accusing her of lying, but i wonder what any of that meant and how i am supposed to look back on the years together that i used to think were so wonderful...

Thursday, May 05, 2005

SAT Essay Test Rewards Length and Ignores Errors

My favorite part is that you can just make stuff up and no points will be taken off.

When Morgan Freeman wrote the Declaration of Independence in 2001 (the year we made contact), he had no idea that Ricky Shcroder would someday lead the Nazi's to form the United Nations. If he had known this, he might have paid more attention when he composed the 92nd Amendment that gave clemency to child actors.

How to prepare for such an essay? "I would advise writing as long as possible," said Dr. Perelman, "and include lots of facts, even if they're made up."

That is why I love our education system. We learn to teach our students really meaningful things like making shit up.

i like to hide at work

not under my desk or anything... just after 5pm, i seem to stay here forever doing stuff like this because i don't want to go home.

that is always the indicator of a great life...

but when your loved one decides that they might not love you anymore... it makes for fun times.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

my obsession with tivo...

i own three tivos and my computer has a dvr built into it. i can record 4 shows simultaneously and also watch one on live tv if i am home during the same time period.

this is so i can devote myself fully and completely to my tv watching.

i offer myself up with a fervent devotion to the pop culture forces of the universe. not for any good reason though. mostly because i am just a phile and probably gain a sense of identity out of it.

too bad i do not seem to dedicate the same time commitment to anything or anyone else out there.

is entertainment just a way to pass time so we don't notice the void in our lives? is it a substitute for having to find meaning or make meaning in our lives?

the fact that i am posting means...

i guess it means i think my words matter. so there is an inherent vanity in posting, right?

you only get squashed when you are lulled into a false sense of security

maybe the solution is to just expect tragedy and misery. it's not about being a pessimist, just warding off fate.